1. Once, you were so excited to see your furniture set on "The Price Is Right." Back when Bob Barker was hosting. A brunette Bob Barker.
2. There's literally nowhere to hide: Your closet doors are a wall of mirrors.
3. Your nightstand has housed the shot of your son's first day of preschool for, well, who knows how long. Keep it (what a cutie!), but add a snap of one of his more recent accomplishments, too.
4. That palm frond-style ceiling fan was a total find when you planned a beach chic room … but then you inherited your grandmother's Victorian bedroom set.
5. You've been falling asleep to sight of a popcorn ceiling for two decades.
6. Your art-deco dresser (that you bought in the 80s) has the same pink laminate surface that your kitchen counter does.
7. You thought you loved the paper you lined your armoire shelves with, but was the pattern always so yellow?
8. Sure that shag look was chic at some point, but now it's just matted, don't-look-directly-at-it carpeting.
9. Your pillow looks more like a pancake. (And did you just realize why your neck hurts so much?)
10. Your frilly bed skirt reminds you more and more of the curtains your grandmother used to have. And you wonder if it might better dress a flower girl than your bed.
11. You wake up each morning to the din of a sharply blaring alarm clock — which has numbers that flip into position, like a vintage train station schedule.
12. One word: Dust. On the doorstop you've forgotten about, the ring bowl that sits idly on your nightstand, and the tops of valences you never actually change with the season.